Popular Canadian Music is NOT Wannabe American Music!

by , under Rants

WARNING: This is an angry rant from a true Canadian!

stupid americans

Americans often joke about Canadian music by calling is knock-off or a low quality version of pop music in the USA. The truth is we’re very, very proud of our music NOT being American. Like, seriously, have you heard American music on the radio lately? It’s sooo bad!

I had a conversation with my hairdresser the other day–a very kind old lady–and when this wack American pop song started playing on the radio I asked her, “How can you work with this garbage playing?” She said, “I just ignore it.” Then we talked on a little further and she commented, “It’s not that everything in the music industry has already been done. Young people just don’t know what to do anymore.” Like, seriously, she’s so right! Of course I’m forgetting all the genius musicians who ARE contributing to great art in the music industry. I’m speaking of the majority and the crap on the top 40 hit lists that only fourteen-year-olds and adults who drink too much soda pop like to listen to.

There’s a formula for making a top 40-esque song these days, and it requires using a mundane “lullaby” type of rhythm and repeating the same line over and over and over again. I think Americans have a great problem when it comes to popular music. They seem to be too dull-minded to even know that the music they’re listening to is based off of nursery rhymes for little baby’s bed times and night, night songs. Like googoo gaga, blah blah blah is all they seem to be saying in their lyrics, quite literally! This is why I’m so proud to be Canadian. And I hope an American who loves Little Wayne reads this and hates me because that would make me very, very satisfied. Yeah ,that’s right, buds. I hate the music you listen to with a passion! Little Wayne is wack. If Mozart could hear it he would turn over in his grave and poop himself in horror.

If we’re going to give respect to music from a nation other than Canada, I think my shot out would go to France. Like, damn O man, they’re music is good.

But don’t get my words twisted boys and girls. I LOOOOVE American music before the year 1998. ’50s American rock and roll–LOVE IT! ’60s American jazz–LOVE IT! ’70s American rock–LOVE IT! ’80s American funk–EXTRA LOVE IT! ’90s American hip hop–mmm, SO GOOD!

But today in 2018 I think everyone around the world can agree America has a problem. And that problem has nothing to do with us upperworldly Canadians. Oh, no! Quite frankly we’re very glad NOT to be American. We find it ironic how Americans make fun of us for being polite and civilized when they all think it’s cool to play horrible music and dance around like moronic apes.

Ahhhh, if felt so good to get that off my chest. How’s that for a first blog post?

Stay tuned for more!